Student Ministry can be a messy and difficult job. This is true whether you are a Youth Pastor or a volunteer Youth Worker.  There are some things that come your way that feel beyond your capacity. These events come along and quickly remind you of the deep importance of what you do. These times remind you of the weight of the gospel, our desperate need for it and the need to proclaim it. This is definitely one of those moments…and it is heartbreaking.

If you have been in ministry for any significant amount of time and have yet to deal with it, count yourself blessed.  Rest assured however, that sooner or later you will be faced with a similar situation in one capacity or another.

What happened?  This week I received a message from a former student (now old and married) telling me that a teen in the church had taken his life.  This student came to the church about two years after we left.  I did not know them or their family, but I hurt for them.  I hurt for the Youth Pastor, and for the church.

I have had my fair share of dealing with suicide, both in my ministry and in my family.  One thing I have learned and seen is there are always many questions, and rarely many answers when it comes suicide…even less when it is teen suicide.  As the Youth Pastor and Youth Leader we must also shepherd others through a storm of emotions and theology that we ourselves may not be certain of.  Here are a few thoughts when dealing with teen suicide in particular:

“What ifs” do not help

It is natural for us to Monday morning quarterback any situation.  This seems to be magnified when it comes to suicide, especially when it is a teen in or connected to your ministry.  The reality is, “what if we had just…,” does nothing to help the pain anyone feels or undo what has been done.  Not to be too direct and harsh, but it is not your fault.  In the case of suicide, they believed a lie.  They chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  Asking “what if” only leads to unhealthy guilt and shame on the part of those left behind.

Evaluate your ministry

This is not “what if.”  Rather this is asking, “in light of this, are we loving on the teens we have effectively.”  “Are we pointing them to the gospel?”  “Is there an environment of openness and safety for them to share struggles and questions?”

You must allow your head to lead your heart

Circumstances like teen suicide cause us (or me at least) to step back and attempt to make sense of what has happened.  Trying to weigh our theology with our circumstances can be a painful and confusing thing at times.  We are so closely tied to our emotions and our heart seems to win out more than it should.  We must allow our theology to lead our emotions.  In ministry and in life, there are many times that our theology must lead our heart.

Feel what you feel

It is okay to feel how you feel…if you do not really know what or how you feel.  It is okay to feel…regardless of whether that is pain, sadness, hurt, confusion, or anger.  Teen suicide brings a whirlwind of emotion.

Fight for joy

Joy is unique to the believer.  Where happiness is dependent on circumstance, joy is not.  Joy holds as our faith in Jesus holds.  When we choose to trust even in the midst of deep and confusing pain (see Job on this one), we fight for joy.  I have heard it said before, that “Satan cannot take your ministry, but he can take your joy.  If he does so, you will gladly give up your ministry.”  Facing issues like teen suicide can cause you to question everything and many times cause you to step away from the ministry and calling God has on your life.  Oh my dear friend, fight for joy.

Hold out the gospel

The gospel is our only hope.  We say this.  We teach this.  We believe this…but we forget this.  You need to be reminded of the gospel and its power in your life daily.  Those around you need to be reminded as well.  Your students need to hear the gospel again and again and again.  Those around you trying to make sense of teen suicide desperately need to hear the hope found in the gospel.

Seek counseling if you need it

There is no shame in getting counseling.  Stay in ministry long enough (like for more than one lock-in) and you will need counseling.  Be humble…be gracious.  Whether it is your ministry, your personal life, or your marriage.  Find and get solid biblical counseling when you need it.

There are so many other things that could be shared here.  Suicide, especially teen suicide is heart wrenching.  I would ask that you pray for this teen’s family, this family’s church, and the Youth Pastor who will perform the funeral.  Pray for the students in your ministry, some of whom may be deeply struggling.  I would remind us all of Jude’s words:

“Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.” (Jude 24–25, ESV)

What about you?  Have you ever dealt with teen suicide?  What lessons have you learned?  What else would you add to share with others who find themselves facing this situation?  Leave a comment below and share.  And as always, if you found this helpful, please share it with others.

Photo credit: Sander van der Wel / Foter / CC BY-SA