One of the most heartbreaking things you deal with in Youth Ministry is watching a student in your ministry make really dumb decisions.

They begin to fade from the church and from the Youth ministry. You start seeing posts on social media of them doing all kinds of things they should not be doing, and their friends are telling you things they are doing.

Many times whether they turn back or continue to run is greatly affected by how you respond. Here are five things to do when a student is messing up:

1. Do not ignore it

Do not dismiss it as simply “a phase.”  When a student is acting out, it is almost always a result of something else they are struggling and dealing with inside.  Many times the actions you see are a cry for help and attention.  Ignoring it only reinforces to the student what they already think…”no one cares.”

2. Involve the parents

This is a must.  When a student is messing up, you must involve the parents.  When you do however, do so with compassion.  The burden and concern you feel for the student is likely a far cry from that of the parents.  Many parents will feel guilt and shame as a result of what they see their child doing.  If you approach them without compassion and understanding for where they are, you will undermine any chance you have of working together.  You will also miss out on an opportunity to minister to them as well.

3. Show grace

At the center of the gospel is grace.  I fear that many times we unintentionally teach our students that being a Christian is about following the rules.  This leads to added guilt and shame on our students when they mess up.  Guilt and shame that Jesus gave His life to do away with.  When you approach a student who is messing up you must do so from a posture of grace.

4. Relentlessly pursue

Do not give up on them.  Send texts telling them you are thinking of and praying for them.  Mail them a postcard.  Take them to coffee (if they will let you).  Do whatever it takes to show you will not give up on them.

5. Pray like crazy

This should go without saying, but unfortunately it is one that we often fail to do.  Out of all of the things here on this list, this one is by far the most important.  I believe that if you are intentional about this one, the others will fall in place.  Whether you have a student in your group that is messing up or not…pray like crazy for them.

So, there you have it.  There are five things to do when  student is messing up.  Take a moment and leave a comment telling me which one you have the hardest time doing and how others can pray for a student you have who may be messing up.